What a beautiful reflection on the idea of an ordinary life. So much to think about here. What becomes most precious when gone? The ordinary moments we take for granted.
"A lot of the time, being extraordinary is less about what you do and more about how you do what you do."
What an important lesson. It took me most of my life to discover this truth, and accepting it is what allowed me to be at peace with the level of outward "success" in my life. I love everything about this essay. Important and lovely.
It sounds like you and I may have wrestled with similar feelings about our outward "success." It's a slippery beast, isn't it?
You touched on the same note that Jess Greenwood did in her comment below. (Do you know Jess? I think you'd enjoy her and her work!) She said:
"People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world."
... which gave my initial thought some additional clarity, and really made me feel like I was having some kind of epiphany.
I agree. There is great comfort in being what you feel to be ordinary, I think in part because it usually involves doing what comes naturally. What could be better?
What a beautiful piece! And I love how you point out that what seems ordinary to us may already be extraordinary to someone else - perspective is everything!
Although, we live an “ordinary” life with routines and such, I believe the ordinary can become extraordinary. There are countless examples of people living ordinary lives who have done extraordinary things. If I had time, I could have pages of names of people who lived ordinary lives (I.e. Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, May Sarton, etc.).
The key is to keep dreaming. Keep experiencing. Keep on keeping on even when we think there is no reason to do so on many hard days.
This idea of ordinary resonates with me. It creates a sense of calm, of peace, in that it is ok to be the person you are - enjoying the simple things in life. Humans have a tendency to follow the herd so as not to miss out, however each of us has our own path through life with unique talents and interests - best to be our own person.
Thank you, Catherine. I love the connection that's emerging in the comments between the ordinary and authenticity. I didn't expect that, but there's definitely something there.
Wow! I really enjoyed listening to the audio voiceover. I’m not sure if that’s your voice or AI. It’s difficult to tell these days. Either way, I still prefer hearing pieces more than reading them. It’s becoming part of my morning routine — finding a couple of authors that I want to hear from. I feel a greater connection to their voices. It also forces me to slow down and consider the writing craft.
I feel I still have a lot to learn about his to write a compelling essay. I appreciate the structure, framing and specific examples of the ordinary (such as the time you spent with your daughter as well as featuring specific artists) as giving weight to your piece. Some of the things I’ve been reading on Substack recently are very abstract and ethereal. Your writing was like a breath of fresh air. It was also relatable. I think that’s what great writers do. They makes ordinary experiences come to life.
Your essay reminds me of a line from a Tracy Chapman song, “we don’t have to go off in distant planets searching for stars for distant planets. Heaven’s here on earth”. But how often do people get caught up in a search for something that’s impossible to reach?
Searching for secret portals that would take me to other worlds was something I did as a child as well. It was, in part, because I was attempting to escape an abusive childhood, but also because I wanted the freedom to be myself somewhere else. That desire to escape is also a theme that often haunts us in our adult lives. I think that’s part of the power and beauty of your essay is that it reminds us of the value of staying present in the here and now. While jaunting off on an adventure may be fun, we don’t need to do that to experience joy and fulfillment.
I was reminded of all of the ways that the ordinary can be satisfying and even desirable. The sharing of your daily schedule routine felt like an invitation for me to evaluate my own everyday. Being with family members doing ordinary things together can be amazing. Brene Brown has it right. Those are the moments we remember the most especially with children. That’s why I think this Thanksgiving at my house was great this year. It was a celebration of the ordinary though I didn’t realize that at the time. I thought it was going to be boring as I had not planned much. But, we just sat around and played cards for hours. My daughter and I made wreaths. We cooked and ate whatever we wanted. Nothing fancy. Everyone was more relaxed as a result.
Thanks for sharing your insight, wisdom and your ordinary with us. It’s delightfully mundane.
Hello, Anna! Thanks so much for sharing all of this.
It IS me on the voiceover.😊 I was initially very nervous about doing them, but because I'm someone who has very little time to sit and read things (and therefore relies heavily on audio to "read" books and essays), I made myself do it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it over your ordinary breakfast. That's perfect!
Your Thanksgiving also sounds perfect. My family is making a concerted effort to scale back this year - not just on the gift giving, but on any unspoken expectations we might have of the holiday or each other. It's just too stressful, and all we really want is to enjoy each other's company. That's what really matters.
Thanks so much for being here, for your kind words, and for sharing your thoughts.
Me too. More relatives coming for Christmas. No tree this year. My husband doesn’t like to see trees cut down. Sometimes he buys a tree from Home Depot and drags it into the house. 😂 — we decorate that! When we recently moved I threw out all of the old Halloween and Christmas decorations. It felt like a bunch of accumulated plastic, meaningless crap that for some reason I was clinging onto for some irrational reason I can’t explain. So, that’s, in part, why your essay resonated. It reminded me that I don’t have to be ‘the hostess with the mostest.’ I can just relax and be me.
Great voiceover. Great voice. So it’s feature on Substack I guess I can find if I ever want to use it. Nice addition for sure.
I treasure the time I spend out walking dogs because it's time I have in nature without any distractions (other than keeping an eye on whichever pup is accompanying me). It breaks my heart to see so many people out walking with a phone in their face ... and the little kids too! I want to shout, "Put the phone down! Look up at the world. It's right there waiting for you!"
It’s rare to hear someone speak about presence so beautifully.
Those little moments—the breeze, the dogs wagging tail, the blowing leaves—are what it's about. I’ve created my page (The Empathy Engine) to help others find more of those magical moments. No pressure, but it’s there if it feels right for you.
I love that: “Empathy Engine.” I’m going to share with my daughter, too. She’s a junior at UMass Amherst - psych major. She’s working on a project about “brain rot” as related to technology (primarily social media). I’m sure she’d love to read about antidotes!
Wonder and joy are all around us - waiting to be discovered. 😊 What a wonderful exploration of the gifts hidden in the ordinary. I was reminded of the play "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. It's been ages since I have read or seen it, but I remember that Emily, the main character who had recently died, was allowed to go back and experience one day. When given this permission, she was warned to not pick a special day. Choosing an ordinary one would be more than enough - and it was.
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've never seen "Our Town," although I know a little about it from having read Ann Patchett's novel, Tom Lake. Well, technically, I listened to it. It's read by Meryl Streep, and after hearing it I decided that she should read ALL the audiobooks. Amazing.
ANYway ... I digress. I love the connection you've made between this conversation and that element of the play. Seems like the ordinary has been a starring character in many forms of art for a long time!
There's a chance I might be coming to NYC this summer to meet up with a writer friend from the UK who will be here on a self-funded book tour. If I manage to pull it off, we should definitely connect!
As someone on a lifelong struggle to be extraordinary only to have a significant tragedy make me long for ordinary, I so appreciate you sharing your own ordinary, and the joy it brings you. To your point about questions, I always find it fascinating how people respond when asked who they recognize as their hero. Almost, although not always, its someone living a wholly ordinary life - their mother, their father, a teacher, a coach. People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world. It's such an important nugget to take with us, and I love how openly you speak to it here.
Your story provides such important context to this topic, Jess. Thank you for sharing in your earlier comments.
And then this: "People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world."
OMG
That is everything. Now I feel like I have to write a whole new post. Or maybe you will? Please say you will.
Well, now I'm blushing. That just spilled out of me this morning because when I think about my own heroes, they are most assuredly ordinary people who gave of themselves in extraordinary ways. I'd love for you to write more about this, or maybe we find a way to collaborate on a post about this? Regardless, I agree there's more there to explore. SO fun when that happens! 👏
Jamie, so glad that I discovered your writing through Jana's interview with you. I really appreciated this article. When I was growing up into my 20s and 30s even, I thought that I had to be something special. Once I hit my 40s though I started recognizing how amazing ordinary is. These days I love my ordinary routine. I get up, make coffee, feed the dog, read a bit, write a bit, do some chores, run some errands, etc...My wife and I have some shows we watch occasionally. Same with the kids. This ordinariness is beautiful and fulfilling. Thanks for writing about it so beautifully.
I'm so delighted to be connected here, Matthew. (And Jana's interview was so much fun!)
I was just saying in my response to JT somewhere else in this comments section that I feel like reaching for glitz and glamour is mostly a young person's game. I wonder if that's because of how we see the world when we're younger (there for the taking, ours to be conquered, etc.) or because we have more energy or maybe because as we get older we "settle" ... as in settling into ourselves and/or settling for what's easiest. Or maybe there's just a point where we finally realize what really matters.
I'm honestly not sure, and the answer probably varies by person. I like to think that as we get older we get wiser to the Fool's Gold nature of all the glitzy, fancy things that we're told we should want. I love the older characters in stories who have seen it all and are now living their best lives in a cabin or a tiny apartment, doing the same thing every day but somehow bestowing life-changing insights on strangers. That feels like magic.
Thanks so much for being here! Your comment obviously got me thinking.
Ayup. ...and with that (which probably doesn't even need to be said*), the genuine appreciation and respect for the truly extraordinary people in our world who are putting their lives and reputations on the line every day working for social injustice, equality and to restore the health of our people and our earth. My gut says you feel the same.
Happy to know, but not at all surprised, you understand the magic found in every day life. Just a couple months ago, when speaking with one of my 'daughters', I told her there is nothing mundane about knowing how to feed ourselves. She responded: "My mantra these days is 'finding the magic in the mundane'."
It's good to know that sense is being cultivated in our celebrity crazed world.
I so agree, JT. I feel like reaching for the glitzy and glamorous is mostly a young person's game ... and one most of us age out of at a certain point. But I am encouraged to come across many young people who seem to be opting for a simpler, more ordinary life. I hope that we are at the beginning of an important shift in how we, as a culture, value the mundane. We shall see. Thanks for being here!
This is wonderful, Jamie. At the end of every day, I send an inventory of my day to my 12 Step sponsor. I also send a gratitude list. 10 things I'm grateful for, every single day. It's never hard to come up with them, and they're often repeated. My home, my pups and cat, my delicious bed. Reading, friendship, delicious food. Mundane. Sweet. I too, do the same things every day. I find great comfort in the ordinary daily rituals. I'm happy to be alive. There are sparks of wonder in the simplest things. I'm lucky I can see them. xo
"... sparks of wonder in the simplest things." YES!! Love that. And it's so true.
I usually keep a calendar book, but something happened this year that derailed my usually daily practice of capturing small magical moments and things that made me feel grateful. I need to get back to that. I always found it to be a very grounding and peaceful ritual with which to close my day. Thanks for the reminder!
"But the truth is that our lives are mostly made up of the ordinary and the everyday." This is so true, and I love how you are exploring more layers, weaving artists into this post. Thank you for the mention 🙏
Thank you, Rhaine - for being here, and for sharing your thoughts on Monday. Honestly, everyone brought up such amazing perspectives ... I will definitely be returning to this topic again and again. xo
Thanks, Mike! ... for your comment, your contributions, and the suggestion to listen to "This is Water." I haven't heard of that, and I will look it up.
What a beautiful reflection on the idea of an ordinary life. So much to think about here. What becomes most precious when gone? The ordinary moments we take for granted.
"A lot of the time, being extraordinary is less about what you do and more about how you do what you do."
What an important lesson. It took me most of my life to discover this truth, and accepting it is what allowed me to be at peace with the level of outward "success" in my life. I love everything about this essay. Important and lovely.
Thank you so much, Tina.
It sounds like you and I may have wrestled with similar feelings about our outward "success." It's a slippery beast, isn't it?
You touched on the same note that Jess Greenwood did in her comment below. (Do you know Jess? I think you'd enjoy her and her work!) She said:
"People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world."
... which gave my initial thought some additional clarity, and really made me feel like I was having some kind of epiphany.
I am so relieved to be ordinary. I think there would be too much pressure involved in being and staying extraordinary.
I agree. There is great comfort in being what you feel to be ordinary, I think in part because it usually involves doing what comes naturally. What could be better?
What a beautiful piece! And I love how you point out that what seems ordinary to us may already be extraordinary to someone else - perspective is everything!
Although, we live an “ordinary” life with routines and such, I believe the ordinary can become extraordinary. There are countless examples of people living ordinary lives who have done extraordinary things. If I had time, I could have pages of names of people who lived ordinary lives (I.e. Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, May Sarton, etc.).
The key is to keep dreaming. Keep experiencing. Keep on keeping on even when we think there is no reason to do so on many hard days.
This idea of ordinary resonates with me. It creates a sense of calm, of peace, in that it is ok to be the person you are - enjoying the simple things in life. Humans have a tendency to follow the herd so as not to miss out, however each of us has our own path through life with unique talents and interests - best to be our own person.
Thank you, Catherine. I love the connection that's emerging in the comments between the ordinary and authenticity. I didn't expect that, but there's definitely something there.
Here's to not following the herd! 😉
Wow! I really enjoyed listening to the audio voiceover. I’m not sure if that’s your voice or AI. It’s difficult to tell these days. Either way, I still prefer hearing pieces more than reading them. It’s becoming part of my morning routine — finding a couple of authors that I want to hear from. I feel a greater connection to their voices. It also forces me to slow down and consider the writing craft.
I feel I still have a lot to learn about his to write a compelling essay. I appreciate the structure, framing and specific examples of the ordinary (such as the time you spent with your daughter as well as featuring specific artists) as giving weight to your piece. Some of the things I’ve been reading on Substack recently are very abstract and ethereal. Your writing was like a breath of fresh air. It was also relatable. I think that’s what great writers do. They makes ordinary experiences come to life.
Your essay reminds me of a line from a Tracy Chapman song, “we don’t have to go off in distant planets searching for stars for distant planets. Heaven’s here on earth”. But how often do people get caught up in a search for something that’s impossible to reach?
Searching for secret portals that would take me to other worlds was something I did as a child as well. It was, in part, because I was attempting to escape an abusive childhood, but also because I wanted the freedom to be myself somewhere else. That desire to escape is also a theme that often haunts us in our adult lives. I think that’s part of the power and beauty of your essay is that it reminds us of the value of staying present in the here and now. While jaunting off on an adventure may be fun, we don’t need to do that to experience joy and fulfillment.
I was reminded of all of the ways that the ordinary can be satisfying and even desirable. The sharing of your daily schedule routine felt like an invitation for me to evaluate my own everyday. Being with family members doing ordinary things together can be amazing. Brene Brown has it right. Those are the moments we remember the most especially with children. That’s why I think this Thanksgiving at my house was great this year. It was a celebration of the ordinary though I didn’t realize that at the time. I thought it was going to be boring as I had not planned much. But, we just sat around and played cards for hours. My daughter and I made wreaths. We cooked and ate whatever we wanted. Nothing fancy. Everyone was more relaxed as a result.
Thanks for sharing your insight, wisdom and your ordinary with us. It’s delightfully mundane.
Hello, Anna! Thanks so much for sharing all of this.
It IS me on the voiceover.😊 I was initially very nervous about doing them, but because I'm someone who has very little time to sit and read things (and therefore relies heavily on audio to "read" books and essays), I made myself do it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it over your ordinary breakfast. That's perfect!
Your Thanksgiving also sounds perfect. My family is making a concerted effort to scale back this year - not just on the gift giving, but on any unspoken expectations we might have of the holiday or each other. It's just too stressful, and all we really want is to enjoy each other's company. That's what really matters.
Thanks so much for being here, for your kind words, and for sharing your thoughts.
Me too. More relatives coming for Christmas. No tree this year. My husband doesn’t like to see trees cut down. Sometimes he buys a tree from Home Depot and drags it into the house. 😂 — we decorate that! When we recently moved I threw out all of the old Halloween and Christmas decorations. It felt like a bunch of accumulated plastic, meaningless crap that for some reason I was clinging onto for some irrational reason I can’t explain. So, that’s, in part, why your essay resonated. It reminded me that I don’t have to be ‘the hostess with the mostest.’ I can just relax and be me.
Great voiceover. Great voice. So it’s feature on Substack I guess I can find if I ever want to use it. Nice addition for sure.
Ordinary moments often hold the magic our screens steal away.
Ain't that the truth.
I treasure the time I spend out walking dogs because it's time I have in nature without any distractions (other than keeping an eye on whichever pup is accompanying me). It breaks my heart to see so many people out walking with a phone in their face ... and the little kids too! I want to shout, "Put the phone down! Look up at the world. It's right there waiting for you!"
It’s rare to hear someone speak about presence so beautifully.
Those little moments—the breeze, the dogs wagging tail, the blowing leaves—are what it's about. I’ve created my page (The Empathy Engine) to help others find more of those magical moments. No pressure, but it’s there if it feels right for you.
I love that: “Empathy Engine.” I’m going to share with my daughter, too. She’s a junior at UMass Amherst - psych major. She’s working on a project about “brain rot” as related to technology (primarily social media). I’m sure she’d love to read about antidotes!
Wow, thank you so much, Jamie—that means more than you know!
And the thought of your daughter finding value in this, especially with the incredible work she’s doing, feels so deeply humbling....
Wonder and joy are all around us - waiting to be discovered. 😊 What a wonderful exploration of the gifts hidden in the ordinary. I was reminded of the play "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. It's been ages since I have read or seen it, but I remember that Emily, the main character who had recently died, was allowed to go back and experience one day. When given this permission, she was warned to not pick a special day. Choosing an ordinary one would be more than enough - and it was.
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've never seen "Our Town," although I know a little about it from having read Ann Patchett's novel, Tom Lake. Well, technically, I listened to it. It's read by Meryl Streep, and after hearing it I decided that she should read ALL the audiobooks. Amazing.
ANYway ... I digress. I love the connection you've made between this conversation and that element of the play. Seems like the ordinary has been a starring character in many forms of art for a long time!
It’s currently on Broadway if you are up for a NYC visit. ☺️ (I have not seen it yet.)
I would love that!!!!!
There's a chance I might be coming to NYC this summer to meet up with a writer friend from the UK who will be here on a self-funded book tour. If I manage to pull it off, we should definitely connect!
As someone on a lifelong struggle to be extraordinary only to have a significant tragedy make me long for ordinary, I so appreciate you sharing your own ordinary, and the joy it brings you. To your point about questions, I always find it fascinating how people respond when asked who they recognize as their hero. Almost, although not always, its someone living a wholly ordinary life - their mother, their father, a teacher, a coach. People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world. It's such an important nugget to take with us, and I love how openly you speak to it here.
Your story provides such important context to this topic, Jess. Thank you for sharing in your earlier comments.
And then this: "People who leaned in to their ordinary and instead of spending all of their energy on being extraordinary offered extraordinary love, care, attention, presence to those already in their world."
OMG
That is everything. Now I feel like I have to write a whole new post. Or maybe you will? Please say you will.
Well, now I'm blushing. That just spilled out of me this morning because when I think about my own heroes, they are most assuredly ordinary people who gave of themselves in extraordinary ways. I'd love for you to write more about this, or maybe we find a way to collaborate on a post about this? Regardless, I agree there's more there to explore. SO fun when that happens! 👏
Jamie, so glad that I discovered your writing through Jana's interview with you. I really appreciated this article. When I was growing up into my 20s and 30s even, I thought that I had to be something special. Once I hit my 40s though I started recognizing how amazing ordinary is. These days I love my ordinary routine. I get up, make coffee, feed the dog, read a bit, write a bit, do some chores, run some errands, etc...My wife and I have some shows we watch occasionally. Same with the kids. This ordinariness is beautiful and fulfilling. Thanks for writing about it so beautifully.
I'm so delighted to be connected here, Matthew. (And Jana's interview was so much fun!)
I was just saying in my response to JT somewhere else in this comments section that I feel like reaching for glitz and glamour is mostly a young person's game. I wonder if that's because of how we see the world when we're younger (there for the taking, ours to be conquered, etc.) or because we have more energy or maybe because as we get older we "settle" ... as in settling into ourselves and/or settling for what's easiest. Or maybe there's just a point where we finally realize what really matters.
I'm honestly not sure, and the answer probably varies by person. I like to think that as we get older we get wiser to the Fool's Gold nature of all the glitzy, fancy things that we're told we should want. I love the older characters in stories who have seen it all and are now living their best lives in a cabin or a tiny apartment, doing the same thing every day but somehow bestowing life-changing insights on strangers. That feels like magic.
Thanks so much for being here! Your comment obviously got me thinking.
Ayup. ...and with that (which probably doesn't even need to be said*), the genuine appreciation and respect for the truly extraordinary people in our world who are putting their lives and reputations on the line every day working for social injustice, equality and to restore the health of our people and our earth. My gut says you feel the same.
*My superpower is stating the obvious. 🤭
Stating the obvious is my whole Substack. 😆
And - 1000% yes - deepest appreciation to those who go to extraordinary lengths to do the right thing every day.
Happy to know, but not at all surprised, you understand the magic found in every day life. Just a couple months ago, when speaking with one of my 'daughters', I told her there is nothing mundane about knowing how to feed ourselves. She responded: "My mantra these days is 'finding the magic in the mundane'."
It's good to know that sense is being cultivated in our celebrity crazed world.
I so agree, JT. I feel like reaching for the glitzy and glamorous is mostly a young person's game ... and one most of us age out of at a certain point. But I am encouraged to come across many young people who seem to be opting for a simpler, more ordinary life. I hope that we are at the beginning of an important shift in how we, as a culture, value the mundane. We shall see. Thanks for being here!
This is wonderful, Jamie. At the end of every day, I send an inventory of my day to my 12 Step sponsor. I also send a gratitude list. 10 things I'm grateful for, every single day. It's never hard to come up with them, and they're often repeated. My home, my pups and cat, my delicious bed. Reading, friendship, delicious food. Mundane. Sweet. I too, do the same things every day. I find great comfort in the ordinary daily rituals. I'm happy to be alive. There are sparks of wonder in the simplest things. I'm lucky I can see them. xo
"... sparks of wonder in the simplest things." YES!! Love that. And it's so true.
I usually keep a calendar book, but something happened this year that derailed my usually daily practice of capturing small magical moments and things that made me feel grateful. I need to get back to that. I always found it to be a very grounding and peaceful ritual with which to close my day. Thanks for the reminder!
MWAH! xo
"But the truth is that our lives are mostly made up of the ordinary and the everyday." This is so true, and I love how you are exploring more layers, weaving artists into this post. Thank you for the mention 🙏
Thank you, Rhaine - for being here, and for sharing your thoughts on Monday. Honestly, everyone brought up such amazing perspectives ... I will definitely be returning to this topic again and again. xo
"the magic of the mundane". 👍 Love it. Really good article, and great food for thought.
Have you listened to David Foster Wallace's "This is Water" speech he gave at a commencement years ago? It's about 20 minutes I think.
Thanks, Mike! ... for your comment, your contributions, and the suggestion to listen to "This is Water." I haven't heard of that, and I will look it up.