Sunday Side Quest: Slogging through the end-of-summer slump

Give yourself a break. You deserve it.

Woman Reclining (1921) Henri Matisse (French, 1869 – 1954)

Welcome to your Sunday Side Quest.

Side Quest (noun), as defined by the Urban Dictionary: An impromptu adventure or diversion undertaken by an individual, typically outside the realm of one’s primary goals or responsibilities, often characterized by spontaneous actions and unconventional activities.

This is a weird time of year for me.

I am not a summer girlie. The merest ghost of a remembrance of the slightest scent of autumn on the air sends my brain into ecstatic revelries filled with falling leaves, cozy jackets, sturdy boots, hot drinks, and a ubiquitous spooky ambiance worthy of a midnight picnic in a graveyard accompanied by a murder of crows.

But even as the ears of my inner hell hound are pricking up in eager anticipation at the subtle signs of the changing season, I also feel utterly drained, heavy, and sluggish.

The summer takes a lot out of me.

Add to that the fact that nearly every part of life as we know it is being adversely affected by the increasingly cruel, moronic, bigoted, and greedy forces behind the regime currently inhabiting the White House (and, yes, I use the word “regime” with intention), and it’s difficult to tell from one moment to the next whether what I need is to drive really fast and scream at the top of my lungs or to retreat quietly into a blanket fort for a nice little pre-season hibernation.

As I said the other day to some writer friends who have been experiencing similar feelings of exhaustion and dread, we really need to cut ourselves some slack. Honestly, each and every one of us deserves a gold star just for getting out of bed and doing even the bare minimum right now. Brushed your teeth? Gold star. Put on an outfit that was less than 80% pajamas? Gold star. Paid a bill on time? Gold star. Refrained from reaming your boss out for asking stupid questions? Gold star.

Our shared feelings of barely contained existential dread came up because we were all feeling guilty about the things we aren’t getting done — the writing, the reading, the correspondence. We just don’t have the energy.

And you know what? That’s okay.

We forget that nature moves in seasons and we are part of nature. We have our own seasons that will not be ignored, no matter how insistently the ceaseless, churning machinery of capitalism demands that we go, go, go and do, do, do.

Lately I have been what might euphemistically be called “off my game.” I can’t quite find my writing groove, all my work tasks take twice as long as I expect, I keep forgetting shit, and no matter what I do I just can’t seem to get enough sleep.

Is it stress? Probably. Is it menopause? Could be. Is it the sensible and appropriate response to everything happening in the world right now? Without question.

But it’s also, I think, a little reminder that we cannot escape the reality that we are animals who are not built to be constantly running without rest. Each of us has our own cycle of seasons, and we need to heed those rhythms.

A lot of people feel like summer is their time to shine: Go all the places! Do all the things! Others feel like it’s their time to kick back and relax: Beach, books, poolside cocktails, and whatnot. And then there are people like me who find summer to be an absolute slog, a season to endure, a trial to get through in order to win the prize of autumn.

Which isn’t to say my whole summer has been awful. It hasn’t. There have been fun moments and small adventures. I said to my daughter that this was the “Summer of the Four C’s”: cinema, comedy, concerts, and conventions. We crammed a lot of good stuff into the last few months.

But even fun can be tiring.

All this to say that if you are feeling a bit wrung out or maybe absolutely knackered (don’t you love that word?), please don’t beat yourself up about it. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself a break. Consider that maybe you are meant to be in a season of rest, or at least surrender. Stop trying to push through like you’re some kind of automaton. You are not. You are a human animal who sometimes needs a goddamned break.

So, on this long weekend (at least here in the states), I wish you a Sunday Side Quest that is all about doing whatever you want however you want, even if that is doing absolutely nothing at all. Please don’t use your down time to try and get a jump on the week ahead. Take a moment to listen to your inner crone. She knows best, and don’t you forget it.

And if you’re an autumn girl like me, rest assured that your time is nigh. Give yourself the gift of a between-seasons reprieve so that you are fresh and ready to revel when the scent of rotting leaves mingles with the aroma of pumpkin spice and the ghosts start to whisper in your ear that good things are in store. 🍁 🍂 🎃