Thanks for sharing that Brene Brown quote about the difference between "fitting in" and belonging. And I was just in a big "belonging" discussion on Zoom this morning!
Love this! Guilty pleasures lol. For me documentaries on cults and serial killers scared 😱 I know, right? Brene Brown is awesome. I have several of her books
I’m all for this! The guilt and shame is what makes us go out of control while hiding in a dark closet with our guilty pleasures. Permission to indulge when we chose to, on our terms.
Hello, Tim. So sorry your comment flew under my radar somehow.
I agree 100% - allowing guilt and shame to dictate our behavior only results in over indulgence later on. I love the idea of "indulgence on my terms." Thanks for that!
This is such a great article, Jamie! There are sooooo many things I love that I've been made to feel embarrassed or ashamed for loving: adorable cat videos, romance novels, eating peanut butter straight from the jar, introvert time, dessert, lingering for too long while trying to take the perfect photo...
Thank you so much, Robin 😊 I love your list of small pleasures. Each of your chosen delights made me smile in recognition. I’m so sorry you were ever made to feel ashamed of enjoying those things. I hope you are in a place now where you enjoy them with wild abandon!
You know how sometimes things show up exactly when you need them? That's this essay for me today. Fitting in vs. belonging is a distinction I never would have thought to make, but it really pulls things into radical focus. I've always had an odd relationship with groups and group identities, and I've always felt pressure to fit in with one or another. But the truth is that I'm a creature of the cracks between things, the cracks are where I find that feeling of belonging, and that's ok.
Hello, Marisa! I'm so, so glad this showed up for you at the right time. xo
I also love that distinction, and I wonder why it's one we can't seem to make on our own.
I'm right with you re: relationships with groups/group identities, and I love your "creature of the cracks." I'm getting some really funny visuals with that - fodder for a story! (Missing you @ BWG and hope you're having an excellent time!)
My first reaction to this was literally a mentally yelled "YAH!" And what this makes me think of is the fun game I play with myself when writing The Joy Luck Club every week. The game is where am I going to drop the F-💣? I use the word once and only once in each post, but it brings me immense pleasure when I find a delicious spot to drop it in, a slightly unexpected but perfect place for it to nestle. I'm sure some readers don't like it, even cringe when they read it, or maybe avoid sharing it because of the language, but I love it. It requires far more literary effort than most realize, and frankly, it's just fun. Thanks for encouraging us to lean in to the fun...without guilt, or anything else.
Hello, Jess. So nice to "meet" you! I love the theme of your Substack ... and the game you play. I drop those F-bombs very liberally in real life, but I do hesitate to put them on the page for some weird reason. (Although, you may note below in a response to a comment from my MOM - Jannie - that I dropped one without any problem at all.) ANYway - you've made my day by sharing that my post inspired a mentally yelled "YAH!" That's awesome. I've already bookmarked your latest post to listen to later (thank you for including a voiceover!). Looking forward to it. Here's to weaving profanity into our literature without any guilt! ;)
Mental smirk on this one! My brain is having a fun convo with itself today. 🤣 It actually started when a running buddy of mine who I didn't even know read my Substack told me she loved how I dropped the F-💣 in every post. I actually didn't knowingly do it at that point, but CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! And I love that according your response to your Mom, use of said F-💣 makes me a "youngster". Another mental "Hell yeah!" Such a delight to be connected and to read something that made my face and mind smile today. Thanks for reading/listening, and I can't wait to see what other guilty pleasures are in store for you!
Wow thank you so much for the mention here!! This has really made my day/week! Such a wonderful message, and love the weaving in of Brene's work too (huge fan!!).
To be honest, there's not a lot of "fun" in getting old(er). (I'm in my "top seventies"). I am so lucky to have family and health and work to do, but I'm also finding it almost a little bit fun that I feel so comfortable settling back into who I am without worrying about fitting in the way I used to. I just wish I had figured this out a long time ago! Because, really, who cares? And if someone does, so what?
That is the beauty of getting older and wiser, right? It's the whole, as the youngsters like to say, "No fucks left to give." ;)
It really is a shame that it takes most of us so long to figure that out. We all joke about how we're going to be "crazy old ladies," but why not start now?? xo
Jamie! I mean, you had me with the Donuts! (love donuts). In all seriousness, great article and great topic. I hope we can all drop the word before "pleasures" and just say "my pleasure is a good donut", with no shame or guilt label.
I *really liked your message about fitting in. One that hits home for me. I've realized that I actually do not fit in with most of my family, though for years/decades I tried. It's really a weight off to say "ugh, I'm tired of not being myself even if it means I get to find a whole new group of people now."
I agree about the "fitting in" epiphany. Brene Brown is a wonder. It really does shift everything when you see your relationships through that lens. And I love the positive spin you've included about "getting" to find a whole new group of people.
Oh! I love everything about this essay. It brings up so many good questions. And anything Brené Brown! And the inquiry you conducted in Sarah Fay's Growth Cohort the other day was SO MUCH FUN! I loved reading other people's answers. Thanks for the mention. So sweet, and for the record, I started watching Ted Lasso again that evening. Irresistible! Subscribing now, Jamie. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Nan! And thanks for being part of that fun conversation - I was so delighted to chat with everyone. As for watching Ted Lasso again - hooray! You can never have enough Ted ... or Roy ... or Jamie ... or Rebecca. I'm just sayin' ;)
Thanks for sharing that Brene Brown quote about the difference between "fitting in" and belonging. And I was just in a big "belonging" discussion on Zoom this morning!
Hello, Sarah! Apologies for being so late to respond. I missed a few comments - including yours - somehow.
I'm so happy that you had a belonging discussion. That's the absolute best ... and so rare to find. Hang onto that & enjoy!
Love this! Guilty pleasures lol. For me documentaries on cults and serial killers scared 😱 I know, right? Brene Brown is awesome. I have several of her books
Hello, Jane! So sorry for my super late response. I think I need to check my notification settings!
I would never sleep if I watched those shows, but that's the beauty of guilty pleasures - they are not one size fits all!
I am also a Brene Brown groupie. Love her!
Thanks for coming by!
No worries! I have some I miss too or never see 😳
I’m all for this! The guilt and shame is what makes us go out of control while hiding in a dark closet with our guilty pleasures. Permission to indulge when we chose to, on our terms.
Hello, Tim. So sorry your comment flew under my radar somehow.
I agree 100% - allowing guilt and shame to dictate our behavior only results in over indulgence later on. I love the idea of "indulgence on my terms." Thanks for that!
This is such a great article, Jamie! There are sooooo many things I love that I've been made to feel embarrassed or ashamed for loving: adorable cat videos, romance novels, eating peanut butter straight from the jar, introvert time, dessert, lingering for too long while trying to take the perfect photo...
Thank you so much, Robin 😊 I love your list of small pleasures. Each of your chosen delights made me smile in recognition. I’m so sorry you were ever made to feel ashamed of enjoying those things. I hope you are in a place now where you enjoy them with wild abandon!
The Catwoman movie is one of the best.
You know how sometimes things show up exactly when you need them? That's this essay for me today. Fitting in vs. belonging is a distinction I never would have thought to make, but it really pulls things into radical focus. I've always had an odd relationship with groups and group identities, and I've always felt pressure to fit in with one or another. But the truth is that I'm a creature of the cracks between things, the cracks are where I find that feeling of belonging, and that's ok.
Hello, Marisa! I'm so, so glad this showed up for you at the right time. xo
I also love that distinction, and I wonder why it's one we can't seem to make on our own.
I'm right with you re: relationships with groups/group identities, and I love your "creature of the cracks." I'm getting some really funny visuals with that - fodder for a story! (Missing you @ BWG and hope you're having an excellent time!)
Now I kind of wish I'd said brothels
😆😆😆
My first reaction to this was literally a mentally yelled "YAH!" And what this makes me think of is the fun game I play with myself when writing The Joy Luck Club every week. The game is where am I going to drop the F-💣? I use the word once and only once in each post, but it brings me immense pleasure when I find a delicious spot to drop it in, a slightly unexpected but perfect place for it to nestle. I'm sure some readers don't like it, even cringe when they read it, or maybe avoid sharing it because of the language, but I love it. It requires far more literary effort than most realize, and frankly, it's just fun. Thanks for encouraging us to lean in to the fun...without guilt, or anything else.
Hello, Jess. So nice to "meet" you! I love the theme of your Substack ... and the game you play. I drop those F-bombs very liberally in real life, but I do hesitate to put them on the page for some weird reason. (Although, you may note below in a response to a comment from my MOM - Jannie - that I dropped one without any problem at all.) ANYway - you've made my day by sharing that my post inspired a mentally yelled "YAH!" That's awesome. I've already bookmarked your latest post to listen to later (thank you for including a voiceover!). Looking forward to it. Here's to weaving profanity into our literature without any guilt! ;)
Mental smirk on this one! My brain is having a fun convo with itself today. 🤣 It actually started when a running buddy of mine who I didn't even know read my Substack told me she loved how I dropped the F-💣 in every post. I actually didn't knowingly do it at that point, but CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! And I love that according your response to your Mom, use of said F-💣 makes me a "youngster". Another mental "Hell yeah!" Such a delight to be connected and to read something that made my face and mind smile today. Thanks for reading/listening, and I can't wait to see what other guilty pleasures are in store for you!
Swearing keeps you young. It's science. ;)
Wow thank you so much for the mention here!! This has really made my day/week! Such a wonderful message, and love the weaving in of Brene's work too (huge fan!!).
Looking forward to reading more of your work 😊✨
My pleasure, Lauren. I loved what you said!
And I'm also a die-hard Brene fan. Taylor has her "Swifties." I wonder what we Brene fans could call ourselves. ;)
Oohh good question... Brenners? The vulnerability club? The BBs? 🤔
Endless possibilities haha!
To be honest, there's not a lot of "fun" in getting old(er). (I'm in my "top seventies"). I am so lucky to have family and health and work to do, but I'm also finding it almost a little bit fun that I feel so comfortable settling back into who I am without worrying about fitting in the way I used to. I just wish I had figured this out a long time ago! Because, really, who cares? And if someone does, so what?
That is the beauty of getting older and wiser, right? It's the whole, as the youngsters like to say, "No fucks left to give." ;)
It really is a shame that it takes most of us so long to figure that out. We all joke about how we're going to be "crazy old ladies," but why not start now?? xo
Jamie! I mean, you had me with the Donuts! (love donuts). In all seriousness, great article and great topic. I hope we can all drop the word before "pleasures" and just say "my pleasure is a good donut", with no shame or guilt label.
I *really liked your message about fitting in. One that hits home for me. I've realized that I actually do not fit in with most of my family, though for years/decades I tried. It's really a weight off to say "ugh, I'm tired of not being myself even if it means I get to find a whole new group of people now."
Nicely done!
Thanks, Mike! Always good to see you here. : )
I agree about the "fitting in" epiphany. Brene Brown is a wonder. It really does shift everything when you see your relationships through that lens. And I love the positive spin you've included about "getting" to find a whole new group of people.
And, of course, donuts. Always donuts.
There's a lot that's really good here but I'm especially impressed by your skill in bringing us all together. Thanks, Jamie. It's a good lesson!
Thanks for answering my call, Trevy, and for sharing that priceless anecdote. Pompous man, indeed! We'll have to do it again soon!
Count me in!
Oh! I love everything about this essay. It brings up so many good questions. And anything Brené Brown! And the inquiry you conducted in Sarah Fay's Growth Cohort the other day was SO MUCH FUN! I loved reading other people's answers. Thanks for the mention. So sweet, and for the record, I started watching Ted Lasso again that evening. Irresistible! Subscribing now, Jamie. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Nan! And thanks for being part of that fun conversation - I was so delighted to chat with everyone. As for watching Ted Lasso again - hooray! You can never have enough Ted ... or Roy ... or Jamie ... or Rebecca. I'm just sayin' ;)
It really was a great idea! Or Coach Beard, or Leslie...and I even have a soft spot for Nate...because it all works out in the end!!!
I love them all!!!!
Yup!
I liked those questions you propose. Because really, why should i care??
and Brene's Belonging vs. Fitting in -- what a mind shift!
Brene is amazing. I have learned so much from her books and podcast. Mind shifts galore! ;)