I want play to be more fun — less work

What to do when finding your playful spirit is difficult

This week, we’ve been talking about the importance of reclaiming the joy of play, even though the world is a very scary place right now. I believe, as I said in Thursday’s post, that play has the power to connect us to our truest selves, engage with the world on a much deeper level, and reimagine our reality.

But playing as a grown up is hard.

Sometimes we think we’re playing, but we’re really just distracting ourselves. Play is not the same as leisure, and it’s definitely not the same as doom scrolling.

While play may be different for each of us, there are some elements that are universal:

• Play often begins with curiosity — with chasing that White Rabbit through the garden and down into Wonderland.

• Play is active, not passive. It invites you to participate rather than observe. It is a two-way conversation that takes you places you’ve never been.

• Play is usually generative in some way. This might look like making something physical (drawing a picture, building a snowman, planting a garden, whittling a figurine), or it might look like making up a story or coming up with a new idea.

• Play is not competitive. There is no ego in play, and it’s never a win/lose proposition. I think of sports and other games as pastimes rather than play. They can absolutely be fun, but they aren’t play.

• Play is inspired by what’s inside of you rather than what’s outside of you, but it also encourages you to interact with the world around you, often in unexpected ways.

• Play is pointless, and I mean that in the best possible way. Play doesn’t have an agenda, a purpose, or a goal. It is not a means to an end, but an end in itself.

• Play often feels silly or frivolous or indulgent. It often consists of activities you will be tempted to label “a waste of time.” Don’t let the guilt get you! If you are feeling these things, that’s a sign you’re on the right track. The point is to be totally unproductive.

• Play often takes you outside of time. You may find yourself in a state of flow that makes hours feel like minutes. This is a good thing.

… which brings us to one of the most challenging things about play: finding the time for it. Or, to be more accurate, making time for it.

I know. It’s not easy. For most of us, having time to wander aimlessly through the day following breadcrumbs of curiosity for no particular reason feels like a pipe dream — something only the ultra-privileged could ever expect to enjoy.

I get it. This — carving out precious, precious time for yourself for no logical reason at all — is the hard work of play. Because while it can sometimes take place in the span of a few minutes, play thrives best in a liminal time without deadlines or boundaries — an open space free from pressure and urgency.

Doing this requires that you prioritize yourself without making excuses to other people. And that requires deep self love and respect. It also requires not giving a rat’s ass what other people think — even the people you love.

And on top of carving out time, cultivating self love, and giving not a damn about other people’s opinions of what they might consider weird or irresponsible behavior, you also have to have the strength to surrender to the experience and to let go of your usual assumptions about what you should be doing. (Dirty, dirty word, should.)

Screw should.

As Ferris Bueller said, “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Life is short.”

It is, and you should play more. You have everything you need right there at your fingertips. You just need to reach out and take it.

So, invite your imagination out to play. Let your inner child guide you. Do the thing that sounds the silliest, the least serious. Leave your guilt at the door. Better yet, buy it a one-way ticket to Borneo.

It will probably feel awkward at first, but trust the process. Take baby steps. Experiment. Have FUN. You never know where a little playtime might take you. If nothing else, it will definitely make you smile.

With much love,

P.S. Did I miss anything in my definition of play?